Uncategorized by kikesanya 28th May 2021
Balancing the need to be accepted with self acceptance
When does the need to show up perfect get in the way of the need to show up as you are? Do we need our kids to be perfect or just be themselves`? How long before they crumble up under the false pretence of the the mask they have covered themselves up with, in order to be accepted by their family.
Do we know our children well enough to accept their individualism? Children are born with their own unique personalities- the role of parents is to nurture, not to project our insecurities unto them.
Let your love for your children surpass the need for them to be perfect. Mistakes will be made in formative years, many of us made lots of them, children should not be tormented and bullied mentally or physically because of these mistakes. Do not get me wrong, I believe a child should be reprimanded when they are out of order, that is how they learn, but I also believe that the purpose of reprimand is to achieve a positive goal, not to cause everlasting damage to a child’s confidence and mental health.
The African Culture and the need to not speak up
I know my write up will cause a lot of uproar among many Africans, mainly because we are not raised to express ourselves…
Being expressive is seen as a sign of disrespect or worse still, ingratitude.
I love many things about my culture, but the need to show up perfect is not one of those things. People are left to fight their demons all alone because they fear rejection from their loved ones. Again I ask, do we only love people when they echo our beliefs?
Feeling loved is a childhood need and when a child’s self worth is constantly questioned, this could lead to various problems as they get older.
One of the things that need to be set aside, is the need for partners to blame each other for how a child turns out. No amount of spanking will build a child’s character, also there is no such thing as too much love. character building has a lot to do with experience, children don’t really have much of that, so they learn as they grow, the role of parents is to guide.
Spending more time with your children, getting to know their personalities and doing fun activities with them, are some of the ways you can help build interests in young kids and thereby nurture lifelong habits, this will ultimately create wholesome individuals, not scared children who grow up to become insecure adults.
It is very difficult to give what we don’t have, but accepting that we have work to do, in terms of nurturing wholesome children is a step in the right direction. The fact that you turned out okay as an adult, does not mean your children would thrive under the same circumstances.
I admit this is a very broad topic and I am not a trained professional, so I encourage you to do your research on ways you can get to know your kids temperaments and nurture them.
Thank you for reading, Please feel free to contribute , we are all learning and trying to raise confident children.
I have two children and I admit raising children is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding things, but one of the things that has helped me on this journey is accepting my imperfections and talking to them about my journey. They know mummy is not perfect, so making mistakes is not the end of your journey, we will learn from it and grow together.
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